The Get Your Confidence Back Challenge

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2
Lesson

Day 2. How Does One Know They Have Lost Confidence?

Feeling confident?

Chances are, you have some room for improvement in this area. Most of us do!

The funny thing is, we get so used to the way we are, we tend not to notice just how bad things have gotten until we take a step back and seriously look at ourselves.

It’s like the analogy of the frog in the pot.

If you don’t know the story, it goes like this: Someone wanted to cook a frog (don’t ask me why just go with it).

The frog was already in the pot, but the person had no lid to keep the frog in. Initially, the frog didn’t mind the situation.

The water was cool and relaxing, so he stayed where he was.

The cook decided the way to keep the frog from hopping out was to heat the water gradually, so the frog got used to the hot temperature in degrees.

Over time, he kept heating the water until it becomes hotter and boiled until...well, you can guess the end.

The point is, we tend to get used to uncomfortable things over time, so much, so they’ve become normal to us.

While you might not be as confident as you once were, your lack of confidence somewhere along the line, became the new normal.

It’s only in looking back and taking an honest assessment of where you are now before you can see what’s happened.

As with anything, there are generally signs something is wrong, which might lead you to a particular conclusion.

The problem is, a single symptom can mean more than one thing, so what you need to look at is the grouping of items as a whole.

For example, having a stuffed-up nose might mean you have a cold. Or the flu. Or problems with allergies.

It’s the other symptoms (like the presence of fever) that tell the whole story. The same idea can be applied to understanding how confident you are.

Day 2:

In today’s lesson, we’ll be checking out some signs that indicate a possible loss of confidence.

You Apologize a Lot

When you start apologizing for things automatically, whether they’re your fault or not, you’re making an assumption you’re in the wrong somehow, casting doubt on your own actions.

You Overreact to Critics

A confident person can accept criticism. When you obsess over what someone else has to say, you’re showing you lack confidence in your abilities, especially in those areas where you’re being criticized.

You Pull Away from Social Situations

Social gatherings can be a nightmare for the person lacking confidence. If you’re staying home because you’re afraid you won’t fit in, think no one will talk to you, or worry no one will like you, then you’re having issues with confidence in this area.

You Are Defensive

We become defensive when we can’t come up with good reasons to support our position. This means you’re not confident in what you’re saying or what you believe.

You Obsess About Your Problems

A focus on how things are going wrong, a victim mentality, or constant worry about your problems, all show you have no confidence you can control, accept, or eventually change your situation.

You Lack Energy

It’s tiring when you’re constantly stressed and worried.

This lethargic attitude toward the world around you leads to a lot of time on the couch watching TV, eating for energy, and sleeping a lot more than you intend—that’s IF you can fall asleep.

You Don’t Sleep

People who can’t sleep generally have issues turning off their brain.

When you’re not confident about your ability to handle whatever the present crises are, it’s not unusual to keep replaying the situation in your head to the point where you can’t sleep at all.

You Have Frequent Headaches

Headaches can come from several causes, but stress is probably the most common. That’s not to say you shouldn’t talk to your doctor if you’re frequently having severe headaches. If it is stress, generally, you’ll find the roots in faltering confidence levels somewhere.

You’re Playing a Role

Why is it you feel like you can’t just be yourself?

If you’re having to create a persona just to step out into the world, if you’re using a fake you to impress people, this means you’re not feeling particularly confident about who you are.

Your Self-Talk is Negative

When confidence is low, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being more hypercritical of yourself.

If you’re calling yourself a failure, pointing out every flaw and weakness and putting yourself down all the time, then you’re not only suffering from weak confidence, you’re driving it down lower.

You’re Hanging with the Wrong Crowd

There’s no reason to stay with someone abusive.

Ever.

If you think you’re not worth the effort if you think this is who you deserve to be with, if you can’t find the strength to leave, you need to realize your confidence is at dangerous levels.

Even toxic relationships that aren’t abusive can be damaging as they put you at risk of a constant barrage of negative input, meaning you’re getting help in dropping your confidence levels lower.

You’re Stressed All the Time

When you’re not able to relax, it’s normally because of fear of some consequence or action.

This means you’re not confident somewhere important.

For example, always stressing about money means you’re not confident about your financial security.

Your Mood is Somber

Having trouble feeling ‘happy’? When you’re not confident about your life, in general, it’s hard to see the good things around you, especially the happy things in your own life.

You Feel Like a Failure

If you’re still hooked into the feelings of having messed up in the wake of a failure, you might have taken a heavy blow to your confidence.

While it’s normal to feel a bit ‘off’ for a while after a disaster, at some point, you need to move on, and more importantly, try again.

If you’re stuck in an unhappy stage without any forward progress, then you’re not confident of your success, or even your ability to succeed.

You Play Things Super-Safe

When you’re not confident of your ability to have a good outcome in a situation, it’s not unusual to play things really safe, to the point where either you’re not trying anything new at all or if you are, you’re involving minimal personal risk.

You Feel Like You’re One Step from Disaster

The certainty that everything is about to blow up in your face comes from a lack of confidence in what you’re doing, in being able to predict outcomes, in assuming the worst outcome, or in feeling you’re not capable of handling whatever is coming next.

At its worst, this one manifests as panic attacks.

You Procrastinate

If you’re not confident in your ability to do the task before you, it’s not uncommon to put it off and to keep putting it off, hoping it will eventually just go away.

You’re Not Doing Things

A lack of confidence can keep you safe at home instead of out, living your life. This is because you might be afraid of a disastrous outcome, you’re not confident of how you deal with people or situations you don’t know well, or you flat out lack confidence in your ability to have fun at all.

You’re Not Enjoying Life

In the end, a lack of confidence can end in a spiral of self-doubt and even hatred for the person you’ve become.

If you wake up dreading the day to come and feel like you’re just marking time or slogging through, this is depression.

If this is true, it won’t hurt to get some help to work through the things hurting your confidence.

It’s never a bad idea to talk to a friend or counselor if you need to.

Now, let’s take some time to compare these signs to your own life.


Day 2 Exercise: What Does a Lack of Confidence Mean?

What implications does a loss of confidence have?

Is it possible to judge your level of confidence based off of these certain signs?

Even though we discussed both of these questions in Lesson 2, we’ll be taking them a step further in today’s exercises.

Not only will we be exploring them more deeply, but we’ll also be making connections back to your life, in order to truly determine how you react to a loss of confidence.

Let’s jump right in!

Step 1: Do you overreact to criticism?

Why do you feel like you have to do so?

What are some times that you’ve done so in the past?

Write Your Ideas Here:



Step 2: Someone who is not confident will often obsess over their problems.

Have you ever obsessed over a problem?

Or several?

List three of such occurrences below.


·       Problem 1:


·       Problem 2:


·       Problem 3:


Step 3: Reflect on the last time you had a headache or were having trouble sleeping.

Why did it occur?

Was it related to confidence, or a lack of?

Brainstorm Your Ideas Here:



Step 4: Let’s face it; you’re most likely taking this course because you feel as if your confidence is not up to par, and that’s ok!

But how have you come to this conclusion?

What signs from Lesson 2 resounded with you the most?

Below, list five signs that stuck out to you, and then list specific examples of them in action in your own life.

·       Sign 1:

     Examples 1:


·       Sign 2:

     Examples 2:


·       Sign 3:

     Examples 3:


·       Sign 4:

     Examples 4:


·       Sign 5:

     Examples 5: